An interesting cast of characters awaits as you make your way through Middle-teen Earth. Talk to them all. Whether or not they want to help, you’ll need most of them to complete your quest. Below are some of the people you’ll meet on your journey.
Cast of Characters - Jolly Roger Epic Productions
The most important character in the game, the narrator represents me. He is my avatar into the world of Middle-teen Earth. As my representative, he knows the ins and outs of the game and will occasionally offer insight beyond what Frobo can see and beyond what Frobo can know. Although I barely have any screen time, you do need to be wary. I will not abide a fool and may intervene if you prove yourself to be one.
The protagonist of our story and the only character for which we went to the trouble of inventing a last name. Being notoriously weak and devastatingly half-witted, Frobo is the only living nephew of the wealthiest hoddit in all of Hodditon, his Uncle Bildo. His feeble body and weak constitution would normally leave him at the mercy of those around him but, fortunately for him, he is your avatar into the world of Middle-teen Earth.
Uncle to Frobo and the wealthiest hoddit in Hodditon, he has a last name simply because we invented one for Frobo. Being cursed by the Bean of Gloom and thereby driven insane by fear of encountering an untimely violent death, He has isolated himself from the world. However, an unfortunate legal point of hoddit law has forced him to provide lodging for his nephew, Frobo Baddins. He is a miser, a coward, and an altogether unpleasant type of hoddit.
Mary and Pipi
Fashionistas and proprietors of the local clothing store, Mary and Pipi are always quick to vocally note all flaws in others around them. Their quick wits are only matched by their quick tongues as they lash out as those with less fashion sense than themselves. However, their weak stomachs and even weaker noses mean that they must be constantly vigilant to avoid odoriferous odors and putrid perfumes.
An all-around snoop and informant, Sam hangs around anywhere he can find some data to peddle. He has lately been working as the caretaker of the gardens around, and on top of, Old Bag. However, his general apathy toward labor and his lazy attitude toward work mean that he spends most of his time lollygagging about or sleeping on park benches. Not being particularly robust, if pressed little, he will squeal anything that he knows to anyone around.
The Python Crew
Their search for an ancient artifact has lead throughout Middle-teen Earth. Although collectively they are mostly considered to be harmless, one of the members is considered to be pathologically violent. Another of the crew is pathologically fearful and their leader is generally considered to be pathologically ineffectual. Will they ever be successful in fulfilling their quest? Most signs point to no.
As members of the Fraternal Order of Dark Walkers, the walkers serve as eternity-long agents for their long departed master. Required to wear dark robes and to earn a number of Dark Walker Continuing Education credits to preserve active walker status, the walker’s goal is to return their master to power. Key to achieving this goal is finding, and returning, the Bean of Gloom. This mostly fruitless search, however, has left most of the walkers aged and decrepit. Still, their oaths of servitude extend them power and make them relentless in their course.
Generally considered to be a conjurer of cheap tricks, Gannondorf, Gannon for short, was Bildo’s business partner when they struck it rich on their joint business venture. However, unlike Bildo, a life of hard living has left Gannon devoid of his previous fortune and mostly destitute. However, his advanced education and limited magical powers have, thus far, enabled him to stay one step ahead of his debtors. He is only concerned about himself and, as such, attempts to keep a relationship with Bildo, hoping for a handout. Nonetheless, he would not hesitate to stab Bildo in the back if there were some profit in it.
Boe the Barkeep
By running the local tavern, Boe the Barkeep is the sole proprietor of Boe’s Tavern, the busiest and most successful business in town. Most of his patrons are regular visitors to the establishment and are not individuals to mess with. They spend so much time at the tavern that it is almost like they are addicted. Always on the lookout to increase his customer base, he holds frequent specials to draw new patrons in.
Having been given only last names and no first names, the Bagville-Sackins hoddits sold their stake in a bag and sack production company before the dirt-bagging boom began in Hodditon. The Bagville-Sackins hoddits have since squandered their money and are now looking for a new type of payday. Being very, very distant relations of Bildo, they hope to supplant Frobo as Bildo’s one and only heir and will do anything to get their names on his will.
Not actually given individual names, mostly because they aren’t particularly important characters, the dirtbaggers are cashing in on a dirt-bagging boom to make their fortunes. They are led by a loudmouthed foreman who is always on the lookout for strong backs to exploit for his personal gain.
The Fireworks Vender
An unnamed character, little is known about this individual. It is known that he just recently moved into the area and set up his fireworks shop in downtown Hodditon. However, he has never actually sold any fireworks, has never had customers in his store, and never even unpacked his bags. So, his intentions as why came to Hodditon or how long he plans on remaining there are currently unknown.
Another minor character, for which we never invented a name, the librarian has been at her post in the library longer than anyone can remember. She is fanatical about protecting the guest registry, which she guards at her desk despite both hunger pangs and severe dehydration. Her mania is such that she refuses to leave the guest registry unguarded for any reason other than a true emergency and will violently protect the registry if necessary. Spend just a little of time around her and you’ll quickly notice that she doesn’t seem to be entirely hoddit.
Violent, unpredictable, and scary. These stooges are not your normal stooges. Firstly, the three of them think their antics are funny when, in fact, they are actually deeply disturbed. Secondly, not being particularly intelligent individuals, these guys make up for their severe mental deficiencies by having pathologically sort fuses and almost invincible constitutions. One would be advised to exercise extreme caution when dealing with these jokers.
Although not directly employed by him, the banker stands sentinel of the bank and its revered vault which holds Bildo’s vast fortune. Since Bildo is the one and only depositor, it should be no surprise that the banker is more concerned with not offending Bildo than he is about actually serving the rare bank customers. He is the only one that knows the combination to the vault and, therefore, the only one protecting Bildo’s vast fortune inside.
Portly and pretentious, the printer prides himself on his propriety printing press. Perhaps known best for his propensity to procure and put away prodigious proportions of pastries, he does a passable job as the proprietor of the principality’s printing press. Pay attention on your principal pass to his place of business and you will be pleased by what you perceive.
Apparently a simple baker of breads and cakes, the baker is a vigilante by heart. Always on the lookout for villians and thieves, he takes apparent slights personally, and into his own hands, when he feels he has been wronged. He acts the tough guy but does have a phobia that, if exploited, would give one almost total power over him.
Seller of select special scents, the herbalist specializes in finding succulent spices to supply her shop. Being selective, she sifts out smaller, secondary quality shrubs to select only superior sprouts for her store. She is the singular supplier for small samples of bigbottom leaf which she sells from her storefront. Her services are significant in that her supplies serve to stamp out spiders and strange insects.
Although it may not be common knowledge to you, it is well known throughout Middle-teen Earth that hoddits have a propensity for violence and aggression. This tendency naturally leads to the formation of violent mobs and angry protestors. As a hoddit, one could possibly blend in with the crowd, as the hoddit mobs are not generally picky about their members. But, care must be taken if one provokes the wrath of the mob because it can be unrelenting.
By absconding themselves of the advances in hoddit technology, the farmers seem content to live a life apart from their neighbors. However, Living within Hoddition town limits has made their lifestyle difficult. They recently decided to place their abode on the real estate market and search for a more ideal location to practice their ideals. Furthermore, the farmer and his wife are the only married hoddits in the game. That last piece of information is not useful in the game, but I thought I’d point it out.
With the same goal as the Python Crew, it is almost a race to see who can accomplish said goal first. The duo consists of a famous unnamed archeologist and his halfwit academic father. With his lifetime of studying ancient artifacts, he is a valuable resource for the hoddit community in that he can readily identify any antiquity of ancient origin.
There are a number of these fellows wandering around downtown Hodditon. Being slaves to the grape, their rants can be, for the most part, ignored. Occasionally, their proximity to other hoddits can act as a grapevine and they may actually have some juicy gossip to share. You may need to listen to some incoherent ramblings and then weed out the useful from the not-so-useful information.
Too numerous to introduce individually, you’ll meet the all these toons plus millions* more on your quest through Middle-teen Earth. Each will be unwitting accomplices on your unplanned adventure through Middle-teen Earth.
*millions means many in this context